The woman at the hardware store
said, "Can I help you?" as I wandered
down an aisle of paint brushes "No,
thank you," I said. What I really needed
was a different kind of brush, one that
could cover the cracks in my memory.
She moved on to another customer,
someone who actually knew what they
came for. But the question stuck with
me, a fleck of paint on a thumb. "Can I
help you?" Help with what? The years
piled up, drying paint cans on the shelves
of my brain, and none had the right color.
Some were labeled, The Summer of '82.
Others, My Daughter’s Laugh. Most were
just a vague, unhelpful shade, like "off-
white" or "beige." I picked up a brush,
a cheap one and held it up to the light.
It felt useless. I felt useless. I bought it
anyway just for the sake of having done
something. “I see you found what you
were looking for,” she said as I paid.
“Yes,” I said. Her smile was useful.
It was exactly what I was looking for.
said, "Can I help you?" as I wandered
down an aisle of paint brushes "No,
thank you," I said. What I really needed
was a different kind of brush, one that
could cover the cracks in my memory.
She moved on to another customer,
someone who actually knew what they
came for. But the question stuck with
me, a fleck of paint on a thumb. "Can I
help you?" Help with what? The years
piled up, drying paint cans on the shelves
of my brain, and none had the right color.
Some were labeled, The Summer of '82.
Others, My Daughter’s Laugh. Most were
just a vague, unhelpful shade, like "off-
white" or "beige." I picked up a brush,
a cheap one and held it up to the light.
It felt useless. I felt useless. I bought it
anyway just for the sake of having done
something. “I see you found what you
were looking for,” she said as I paid.
“Yes,” I said. Her smile was useful.
It was exactly what I was looking for.
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Nominated for the Eric Hoffer Book Award, twice for the National Book Award and three times for the Pulitzer Prize, J.R. Solonche is the author of more than 50 books of poetry and coauthor of another. He lives in the Hudson Valley.
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